I am an introvert. That must be why I enjoy blogging, I can do it in my own space and not be bothered by others. I am also the daughter of a retired Police Chief. That means that I am extremely cautious of everyone, and suspect that everyone is “up to something”.
Both of these things make it difficult for me to accept new people and to easily make friends. When we moved from Orlando, I left behind all of the friends that I made as an adult. That was tough to do. Although I chat with them on the phone occasionally and keep up with what’s happening with their kiddos via Facebook, I miss them dearly. I was so connected with them. To them.
Shortly after The Boy was born, I joined a mother’s group here on Cape Cod. My experience with the group wasn’t like something you would see on television. I have found that the woman are very competitive – who has the best stroller, the nicest car, which kid is dressed in such-and-such brand clothing. I don’t have time for that. I’ve already been to high school. Maybe I joined at the wrong time, it appeared that everyone was already tight with their circle and didn’t have room for anyone else in it.
To say that they were all bad, evil women, wouldn’t be fair. I am sure the lack of connection that I felt was due, in part, to my own issues. I would love to grow my circle of friends here, but have had a tough time doing it. Perhaps I didn’t put in enough effort? Maybe I’ll give it another whirl this summer.
What have you done to make new friends as an adult?
Liz says
Why is it so hard for grown women to make friends? I find it tough too….and I’ve lived in the same town since I was 6 years old.
I got married young….very young. While all of my friends went off to do their college age hijinks, I was being a wife and mommy. Only 2 of those people are still friends of mine today (and I’m not talking Facebook).
I honestly believe that as you get older and are comfortable in your life, you don’t need a huge group of friends but a very few that you love dearly.
I hope you are able to find those few and I highly doubt it will come from a mommy’s group (wish it was that easy though). I’ve allowed a few people in that I met again through my son’s pre school. Maybe you will have a chance encounter of the friend kind. 🙂
Good luck!!
Glad I saw this post…I didn’t know about the writing promts and not I will totally be taking advantage of them.
Emily says
Thanks, Liz, for your sweet comment.
I do have one close friend that I’ve had since the 5th grade, she lives nearby. I had another who was my best friend for over 15 years but our relationship ended shortly after my son was born. (You can read about her manipulative ways, and how long it took me to realize that in a post that I have scheduled for this Monday!)
I think that part of my struggle is the area we live in. People here are very competitive and continue to compare what they have to what someone else has. As I grow as a woman, I realize that I do not need to surround myself with people like that. I’d rather not have any friends that I see regularly than have ones that are shallow.
Have a wonderful weekend!
stephanie rowe says
im a very talkative friendly person, so its easy for me to make friends. its hard to keep good friends. it hard to know who is trustworthey, but the friends that i have made over the years, are the best, and they have been a great souce of support.
Marti Parks says
I’m very much like you, an introvert. I’m perfectly happy to be at home alone. I never get bored or lonely, I just enjoy the peace and quiet and the freedom to do whatever I want. 🙂
Holly Hennessy Swint says
It’s very hard to make friends now that my daughter is grown and gone. I do not work outside the home and am taking care of my husband who is on disabilty so it is even harder to meet people. My best friend is my Mom who lives a few hours away. The only way I can meet adult friends is online now.
Forgetful Mom says
This is a problem I too have struggled with a lot. I moved away from home at 18, and knew no one. I am still in the same area 9 years later and have very few close friends. We are planning on a big move in the next 1-3 years and I am worried about trying to make new friends.
Emily says
It is tough, Ashley. I felt so connected to the gals in Florida, leaving them was difficult and I just haven’t met the right group here. I’m hopeful that it happens soon. It’s lonely…and boring with no one to grab a coffee or catch a movie with!
Kelly Stilwell says
I joined a book club with some moms I met when I had my first child in Gymboree, a play program. We met every month for almost 10 years! Have you thought about starting a book club? Read one book per month and meet for dinner or a glass of wine or cup of coffee and discuss. It was a great mommy time. Sounds to me like you have not found the right group. I wouldn’t want to hang out with that crows either!
Emily says
I tried a book club, Kelly, but every selection they wanted to choose was “deep”. I know the purpose of a book club is to have discussion, but what’s the problem with a “beachy read” every once in a while?! I’m excited to have connected with a few local bloggers, and hope to plan a meet-n-greet soon.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Gina M Maddox says
Wow…I feel exactly the same way. As an introvert myself I have a hard time pushing myself into new social situations, so you should be proud that you at least put yourself out there.
Emily says
Thanks, Gina. I just wish that it wasn’t such a miserable experience! I’m not losing hope of finding a great group to connect with though.
Melissa says
I have noticed that I have had a much easier time making friends online (through blogs and twitter). I think it is because I feel I can really be me and not “who I am expected to be” based on my family, my past, and my occupation. I also feel it is due to the fact that I can choose who I want to interact with … I choose to interact with people who I find interesting and who share some of the same interests, when I don’t really have that control when meeting people in person (at least not if I don’t want to be rude). I just thought I would share a few of my thoughts …
Emily says
That’s interesting that you say that, Melissa. I suppose that I find it easier to “meet” people and connect online for the same reasons. It’s hard to find a local group of like minded people in my community. Unless I’m looking in the wrong place?!
hayley says
i am going to be moving this august so this is intersting to read… in general im more of an extrovert and like to be around people so it will be hard not to have any friends to start. luckily my husband does a pretty good job at keeping me busy and my mind active but it would be nice to have some lucal girl friends for sure. i am hoping i will find some wives of other law students (hes going to law school)
Emily says
I find it tough to connect with the local gals here, but I’m hopeful that if I expand my interests I’ll find some more “like minded” ladies! I hope you make some great gal pals in your new city!
Kathlean Owens says
When women and Mothers get together, the claws come out! I agree with you a whole heartily that we need and desire a connections. I remember when my kids were little how other Mothers would judge who had the cutest kids and best looking husbands. All I wanted was someone who I could relate with and share these Motherhood events with. Then I realized that I needed to be more confident in myself. Now my kids are grown and believe it or not, my closest friends are the ones I had growing up. We reconnected via Facebook and I’m so surprised to see how much we have in common. At one point I was wondering how in the world did I lose contact with them to begin with, but that is the way life is. It teaches us to appreciate what we have and to make us stronger as individuals.
Emily says
I just don’t understand the competition! Everyone is trying to raise their kids the best way they know how, who cares what brand of XYZ item you own? It’s ridiculous, I didn’t realize it would be like this. (Another thing no one tells you about motherhood!)
Kathlean Owens says
I really understand! In my opinion, the competition has to stem from the way the Mothers were raised! As for not knowing about motherhood, it’s a learn as you go thing. In my case, everybody had advise, but I really had to pick and choose what advise I accepted. I have to tell you, I don’t know exactly what I did right, but I am so incredibly proud of my two kids because both are adults now, both graduated High School, my daughter just graduated from College and my son is a Dancer! Both are super awesome people that are popular and influential in a positive ways.