When The Texan and I talked about having children, we said we would only have one. I was raised an only child, and The Texan is #2 of four kids. I always thought that one would be perfect for us.
And now that we have one – and he is perfect in every sense of the word. I {think} I might want two. Or three. {Did you hear that? That sound was The Texan falling on the floor and gasping for air.}
Kecia from Southern Girl Ramblings recently wrote about how her family is happy as a family, though she always envisioned they’d be a family of four. That is what got me thinking about expanding our family even more. The Texan keeps telling me that he’s getting old, so we need to decide quickly. Need I remind him that it is the woman’s age, not the man’s that the doctor’s are particularly concerned with. I have already reached the age to be considered high risk, I feel like I can sort of take my time.
I would love to have another baby, but wonder about the financial impact adding a little would have on our family. Since my layoff in 2010, we have stopped spending unnecessarily {for the most part}; I wonder what the impact to our monthly budget would be if we added another person to the mix. I suppose we could save my wine fund for the ten months that I won’t be drinking and put that toward a baby fund.
If number two is a boy, we have tons of clothing. For some reason, I saved most of it. If number two is a girl, we have no clothing. That is dangerous. I remember the amount of clothes I purchased once we found out we were expecting a boy.
And, would I be cheating The Boy somehow? As a Singleton, we are able to give The Boy everything he needs and wants. He has my attention all to himself, his toys are his, and his bedroom is his. Our time together is ours, never shared with an infant – who by nature will need and require much more.
Could my fears come from not seeing my parents balance their time, attention, and wallets between multiple children? I wonder if I would even be able to do it. As it is right now, I always want The Boy all to myself. He turns three in July, and I have only been away from him for two {non-consecutive} nights. I don’t want to miss a thing. What will happen if we add a sibling to the mix?
Everyone says that you’re never really ready for another baby, are my fears justified? How many children do/did you plan to have?
We had one for four years before we decided he NEEDED a sibling..just one…and we gave him one right before he turned 5 years old. Today he is 21 and she is 16 and they are best friends. I am glad we had both, although we could have given him every single thing he wanted before her…we gave him everything he needed and some of what he wanted..there are toys that he wanted forever he simply did not get. He had to learn what it was to want something that was just unattainable. My husband and I both grew up very poor..we know what want is, our kids had to learn that as well. I am very glad we did not raise two “Give Me’s” that my generation has turned out in droves, they get something they appreciate what it is. Money is not grown on tree’s and they know this. Are my kids spoiled..yes a little..a lot more so than I ever was. But it is ok..they are responsible young adults and teenagers, polite, no trouble, good in school. Just what we wanted. Sometimes being able to give your kid everything they want ..and actually doing it are two different things and you really need to think about all of that. I am fond of saying I have two kids..because I can feed, clothe, send to college and give them everything they need and some of what they want.
I think every child is spoiled to the extent their parents want to/care to/can afford to. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate hearing from a mom who has so much insight. I’ve been worried about the age gap, too. The Boy turns 3 in July, if we decide to add another I didn’t want the gap to be too large. I suppose it wouldn’t make such a difference if they were not the same gender. I guess I never considered the possibility that #2 could be a girl…hmmm….
I think your fears are totally understandable. I felt a lot of the same conflicting feelings when i was pregnant with my 2nd (my first two are 16.5 months apart in age and I now have 3 kids between the ages of 4 and 1, and we plan on having more)
I think when it comes to finances, a baby doesn’t have to cost anywhere near as much as “they” say…you can get pretty much everything used except for crib mattress and car seat. If you look on sites like kijiji you can find people selling whole lots of baby clothing for very reasonable prices. When my daughter was born and we only had boy clothes, we got 2 huge garbage bags of clothing (someone’s entire 0-12m stash) for $60.
As for kids having to share Mommy..I think it’s a good thing for kids to learn to do. It’s important for kids to learn that they can’t always get what they want, when they want it…and that having to wait or share is ok; it doesn’t mean you love them less. I think it actually prepares them better for the “real world.” Your son would learn that you love him and his sibling equally. And it’s amazing to watch siblings interact and love each other as they grow 🙂
Thank you so much for your comments. We still have our infant car seat (expires in 2014), and could easily move The Boy into a twin 7 convert his toddler bed back to the crib it started as.
I wonder, too, is it difficult to adjust to sharing yourself with two little ones? I know that children are resilient, and adjust fairly well…but what about mommy?!
I won’t lie, it takes some getting used to. I found going from 1 to 2 kids harder than 2 to 3. But you get used to it 🙂 It takes a bit of time to figure out what kind of routine works, and a lot of patience and remembering to cherish the moments because they go by so quickly. It can be tough at times but the good moments far outweigh the hard ones..In a way it’s a bit similar to your first born child…sometimes it’s hard and you wonder what were you thinking, but you’d never go back and do it differently 🙂
This is wild. I could of taken your name off this blog and showed it to my husband and he would of thought it to be me. I too am and only child who had my one and only in 09. We too have been talking about if there should be another or not. This is as if you have read my mind. We ave been weighing the financials as well as our age since I am now a stay at home mommy since my lay off in 2010. Are you my dopplerganger? ( sorry if you don’t watch How I Met Your Mother. 🙂
Good luck with your decision
Heather
I (very quickly) browsed your blog, I’ll be back to comment on a few posts later…Yes, I am your doppleganger! Either that, or we’re twins separated at birth. Be sure to share my post with your husband, I’d love to hear his reaction!
Thanks so much for sharing!
I’m here through the Tues Archive Link-Up. I never got around to getting married OR having kids myself, but I know what you mean. It’s so tough to decide what is best for your child and your family. Some kids grow up great as singles, while others lack socialization and expect their world to be all about them. Finances are always a scary situation, no matter how many kids you have. You worry about being able to provide them with everything they need, and nowadays, I would imagine you need to start a college fund and researching grants/loans before you even conceive! That’s all I’ve been hearing lately – the state of our country based on student loans. It can be very scary! OK, so I’m curious … is Heather your doppleganger, are you twins separated at birth … do you watch How I Met Your Mom?? 😉
Had to laugh. After I posted that comment, I went to link up with you through Pinterest, etc. and realized you’re form Hyannis Port. I grew up in Hingham and used to live in South Yarmouth. I live in Central New York Now … having made my way here through New Orleans, but if I ever win the lottery, I’m definitely heading back to the Cape. That will ALWAYS be HOME to me!!! 🙂
It’s true what they say….the more people you meet, the smaller the world becomes!
I went through this same dilemma and we decided just one was perfect. But I do have to deal with people asking when the next one is coming all the time. It gets old fast.
I have three and would have had even more had the circumstances been right. My first and second are 11 years apart but I quickly had a third because I had seen how lonly it sometimes was for my son to be an only child.
I planned to have at least two but it didn’t workout that way. I wasn’t an only child but I remember what it felt like to be one until my brother was born. I really don’t like that my son will be an only child but that how it has worked out. Early on I was excited about what if I got pregnant, then later I was scared about it. The fears are justified. I think you will be just fine either way.
I used to think I wanted several children, but in all reality as we’ve gotten closer to considering a child I am pretty sure I’d be content with just one. Its a difference and it may change in the future, but for now a single child and us would be plenty for me.
I’m an only child and absolutely hate it, always have. I always longed for a sibling growing up to play with and share a special bond. Now that I’m older, I really hate being an “only” as I watch my parents age and I’m the only one to care for them. My husband and I decided we would never have just one child for all of those reasons. Our boys are almost 5 years apart and they are best friends. I’m SO happy we made that decision to have more than one child. I know the choice is different for everyone so best of luck making the best decison for your family.
As a mom of 4 little ones I can tell you it is more expensive, but the plus side is that they have each other to grow up with. We have an endless play date going on inside our home. lol
I think all parents go through this, and it is so very normal!
My husband had a 2 year old when we met, and we knew we wanted another. When my stepson was 4, we had our son Xander. Then we decided that we wanted another closer to Xander’s age so hopefully they would be close and play well together. We conceived within a day or two of his first birthday (Happy Birthday buddy! Haha.) and now we have a precious 8 month old boy named Damien.
I stay home for the most part, and things can (obviously) get quite insane around here.
But.
We just decided that we are going to try to have another in 2 more years.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s hard to plan. Things change! There really is never a “right” time to have more. I will say though that you will always have enough love. You will always find a way to make ends meet, and it’s incredible how little space kids actually need.
One last thing…. the one thing that money, time, and one on one affection can’t give an only child? The sheer joy that a sibling can.
🙂