my biggest insecurity and a great accomplishment

Sharing my biggest insecurity with you today….yikes.   Some days I feel like I have so many.

One thing that I am constantly worried about is that I am not being the best mother that I can be.    Like most mothers,  I want my child to have every advantage,  to participate in playgroups,  to have many friends,  to have many interests, and to be well-mannered and considerate of others.   Some days,  I wonder if I am truly giving him my best efforts.

Before The Boy was born,  there was a list of things that I wasn’t going to let him do. Like watch TV.   And eat cupcakes. And play outside in our backyard without shoes. He did all of these things yesterday.   And,  he made it through the day just fine.

There are days when I feel guilty if we drive by a playground and I don’t stop, not because we have anything “to do”  but quite simply because I don’t feel like it. Is being selfish going against everything that I believe in with regards to raising my son?

I’ve been exploring my interactions with him, particularly since I am so fortunate to stay at home with him,  and wonder if I am really making the most of our time together.  I am often complimented on his manners and how nice he is to his friends. That gives me comfort that I am doing a good job. Why is it that I feel like I could be doing a better job?  

Why do I feel that I sometimes waste our days together??

Toni was smart enough to also ask us to share something about our selves that we’re proud of. This helps my post not to be a big “Debbie Downer” post! I am proud of myself for quitting smoking. Cold turkey. I wasn’t a heavy smoker, but still, a smoker is a smoker. I had all of these rules about smoking – I didn’t smoke in the house, in the car, or at work. When I quit, I think I smoked about three per day. Why did I bother? So, on Earth Day 2004, I quit. I do miss always having a lighter around to light a candle though!