This post was inspired by the novel The Divorce Papers by Susan Rieger. Young lawyer Sophie unwillingly takes her first divorce case with an entertaining and volatile client in this novel told mostly through letters and legal missives. Join From Left to Write on March 18 we discuss The Divorce Papers. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.
As I get older, I tend to spend more time reflecting on the evolution of several relationships that have impacted my life in some way. Not all relationships are good for your well-being. And, not all are entirely bad either.
I’m a firm believer that people come into your life because they are there to teach you something. It could be a skill, or a craft, or one of life’s many lessons.
The funny thing is, we never know when people are going to walk out of our lives. We cannot predict for how someone is going to engage with us.
It’s important to remember that when we meet them, we are providing them with a learning experience, too.
Though it is tough to figure out what the lesson is at the time, reflecting on the relationship can open your eyes to a myriad of options.
For years, my best friend was a manipulator. And I had no clue. She was my best friend for nearly 20 years and named her first child after me. Yet still, she was a master manipulator. Calling on me for every crisis, knowing that I would come running.
That relationship ended nearly four years ago. I do think about her when I drive by certain places, when I glance in my jewelry box, and when certain dates on the calendar roll around. But mostly, I am thankful that we’ve parted ways. Because of her, I don’t let anyone into my life that doesn’t add value. I may set my expectations too high, but it works for me.
Because of her, I am happier. I hope that because of me, she is happier, too.
Have you parted ways with a long-time friend? Was it difficult for you?
we should all do a periodic evaluation of our friendships to make sure it’s a two-way street. I admire your hutzpah to end the relationship!
I’ve divorced a family member before – same reasons. I will admit, I’m happier, but there are still those reminders all over the place! Those are the worst.
I have a cousin who divorced our family, then moved down the street from me. It’s been very strange to know that we’re living parallel lives, and that my kids have a baby cousin right down the road they’ll never know. But I believe it’s for the best. And I’m glad you’ve found the best in this situation too.
That makes me sad for your children. That must be so difficult for you – and crazy to live right down the street, too.
I’ve had a friend divorce or two too, and while they aren’t fun, they definitely are necessary for a relationship that gets toxic!
I have parted ways with a friend…but not without regrets. It still bothers me that we never worked through our problems.
A good reminder. As our we change, so do our friendships. Breaking up is still hard to do though.
I had something similar happen to me. I still miss this friend dearly, but she was not good for me. But I do wish her well and hope that she is happy.
I’m sorry that you’ve experienced this too, Alicia. It’s difficult to move on at first, but I find that it does get easier as time passes.
I feel much the same way you do–there is something to take away from every experience and every relationship. We may not want to move on when the time comes, but it’s usually necessary for growth. It’s wonderful that you can see the value in that even though your friendship had to end.
It’s taken a lot of reflection for me to get to this point. There were a lot of emotions, but I am in a better place now. And, I do hope the same for her.
Now I’m anxious to read the book! I had to do it in high school. She was toxic and also a master manipulator. It was so hard, and I felt so alone. I think that relationship really led me to keep other friendships at arms length.
Hi Stephanie. Sadly, I haven’t formed any close relationships since this experience. Subconsciously, I believe that this will happen again – even though I am rational and know that it won’t. It is difficult to trust others when you’ve been manipulated for so long.
I too parted from my best friend. We were best friends from the time we were in elementary school until a few years after we graduated. She was a lot like your friend, a master manipulator. I never knew how much she used me until after high school when I came in contact with some other friends who mentioned that she would always talk down about me when I wasn’t around. She made everyone love her because they all thought she was so sweet when I knew she was talking bad about them to me. That should have been my red flag. After we graduated high school I got engaged and asked her to be my maid of honor. When she literally called me the week of my wedding saying that she didn’t feel like she could support me getting married so young (I was 19, almost 20 at the time) and that she couldn’t be in my wedding anymore I lost it. Needless to say that was the end of our friendship. We spent a good 8 years or so never saying one word to each other. I moved off so it was easier to never see her or talk to her. We have “friended” each other because of facebook and her mom passed away a couple years ago. We still don’t talk though and honestly I don’t know why I even have her on my facebook.
I’m sorry that you’ve gone through the same experience, Melissa. What she did to you was a terrible thing; some people can be so heartless.
I found this post on your sidebar while commenting on another post. This month alone, I’ve “divorced” three friends because it just wasn’t in my best interest anymore. As a depression sufferer, I’m trying to have positive people in my life and these people just weren’t cutting it. I’ve been feeling bad about it but this post definitely made me grateful that I made those choices. thank you so much for the post.
Laura,
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this. You should feel proud and confident in your choices. It can be tough, but don’t feel guilty about it or worry about hurting others feelings. Too often we suffer in silence because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, I think that comes from childhood when we’re taught to “play nicely” and “be a good friend”. As an adult, it is your RIGHT to choose who you want in your life, while these choices seem difficult now, you’ll look back on them in a few year and feel proud of yourself.
I wish you all the best!
I have parted ways with friends. Especially with friends that only call on me when they need something. Or those that don’t put 100% into the friendship. Life is too short to try and make relationships work when you are the only one working.