Funky. That’s how I’d describe how I’m feeling lately. I am struggling to find balance with my roles as a mother, a wife, and a woman. I feel pulled in three different directions. Sometimes, I just want to sit down and cry. Or run away to the mall. Or just plain run away.
Am I making the right choices as a mother? Am I giving my husband the amount of attention that he deserves and needs? Am I doing anything for me?
The only question that I can answer consistently with a strong yes, is that I am making the right choices as a mother. But that is because I don’t discuss those decisions with other mothers. Especially those that are more “experienced” than I am. I know that the choices that I’m making are the ones that are best for The Boy. They’re the ones that work best for our family. I don’t need to worry about what someone else is doing for their child.
If you are a mother, you know what I am talking about.
The desire to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, and keep yourself all put together, too.
The three roles blend together well, yet are surprisingly different. It’s natural progression that I would have a career, then I would marry and then have a child. What isn’t so natural, or obvious, is how to balance these roles.
I don’t feel like I give The Texan all of the attention that he deserves. That is in part because I envy his time away from home. While it was – and is – my choice to stay home, I feel like he’s free to come and go as he wishes. I, on the other hand, feel like I need to clear it with him before going anywhere. If you’re a parent who stays at home, do you feel this way, too?
What do you do to find balance?
I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice as I’m not a parent, but I have friends who often feel like you do. Rest assured you are not alone and remember to take time for you.
I don’t think it’s possible to keep the roles of woman, wife and mother in perfect balance. All we can do is do the best we can every day and not beat ourselves up when we think we’re falling short. It’s a great idea to evaluate our lives, rather than just mindlessly going through every day, but we shouldn’t over-analyze either. The fact that you even care about trying to keep it all in balance shows that you’re probably doing a better job than you might think.
I understand. I’m a new mom to now six month old twin girls and trying to find the balance between being a good mom, wife and runner of the household and still have some time and sanity left to myself drives me crazy.
I’ve been told it gets better when they get older. I can only see it getting harder, hah. Well, at least until they’re independent.
I wish you luck and all the best! 🙂
Balance is something I’m still working on! It is not always easy working full time and having a two year old but I just do the best that I can. Some days my best is better than others though lol
This was the topic of our last Attached Parenting meeting. Which I guess proves it is a universal problem.
My problem is asking for me time and realizing that it is ok. I’m not a bad mother because I want to go sit at Starbucks for an hour sipping on a cup of coffee without worrying about the next feeding, diaper change, etc. Plus, it gives my daughter time with her daddy. I need to ask for this treat occasionally.
I balance my workout time by taking her with me. We do strollercize 3 times a week and I run with a partner with our daughters in their strollers 2 times a week plus we go to Mommy and Me yoga. I’m getting in my exercise and my daughter is seeing how important it is and getting to socialize with the other babes. Total win-win. For some reason, it is easier to workout with her at the park than to find time to hop on the treadmill at home.
Hope you get your 100 comments by tomorrow! The original link was incorrect, so that’s why I’m so late in commenting. Anyways, I totally understand you b/c it is hard to strike a balance with everything going on. What I learned recently is that “balance” is a misnomer b/c you can’t do everything equally. You are only 1 person with 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week. What we all need to realize is that sometimes, some areas will suffer while others thrive, and vice versa. Here’s my related post http://www.expandng.com/2012/01/day-5-work-life-balance-schmalance.html So just hang in there and you’ll find what works eventually!
I don’t think that balance will ever be realistic. At different stages of motherhood you will have to give different amounts in different directions. I struggle with feeling I am leaving myself out a lot but try to remember that my 3 children won’t always need me as much as they do now. My husband and I try to sit down a few times a week and talk and that has helped there to know if there is something the other needs. I think it will always be a work in progress and we just have to remember not to beat ourselves up over things.
I am with the comment above^^. I definitely need times alone or away from the house without 3 young ones . . . it inspires me, renews me, and makes me a better mom when I *am* home. But it’s hard for me to ask. I talk myself out of it really quickly and think that I should be able to manage well in these rolls without a break. But that’s crazy, ’cause who does that with any other job?? Finding a balance is hard. One I’m still working on! Somedays I think that if I could just eliminate the laundry job from my list, I could deal well with all the rest. 🙂
I am not sure you can balance all three of these roles. Depending on what is going on in your life and home at the time one may need more attention than the other. Make a mental note to spend a set day or time with hubby. Be sure to spend 30 individual minutes with each kiddie and set time aside for you. Things will change as the children get older.
I agree, it’s tricky to find balance in our roles. As moms we tell our kids what to do all day and direct all the household activities, but we have to take a totally different relationship with our husband. Unfortunately, many wives become “moms” to their husbands as well! Prayer helps a lot with learning how to balance everything, and be prepared to receive answers and write down the thoughts that come into your mind.
One of the tricks is not to expect perfection. Kids are messy and loud. Learn to control them early on and it will help your nerves immensely. I used to set the timer when the kids were too noisy and set them down with a book for 10 minutes. If they were good, I let them get up when the timer went off. The problem comes in reinforcing your own rules. If you don’t set rules instead of making empty threats, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Adults are the big people and children are the wee things we are supposed to control – not the other way around. Take time to play with your children often. Believe it or not, dishes, a neat house, and laundry can wait. They grow up so fast (although some days feel like sixteen forevers). Best of luck. Deb
It’s definitely hard to find a balance! Kids definitely get the majority of my time. I try to make sure that DH and I at least get a few minutes of us time each day, but right now with little kids it’s tough!
Don’t be too hard on yourself. I have been married for twenty years and have two teenage children. I also deal with a chronic illness. I have heard the hard way that we really need to concentrate on what is most important. If the other stuff gets done great. Also don’t be afraid to ask for help and support.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I’m a single mom and seems like there is never enough time in the day to get everything done. I pray that you will find peace in the roles that you are fulfilling.
Can’t really think of a surefire way to achieve balance. I usually just decide at the moment. Like it depends on the situation. If the hubby’s need is more important and urgent for that specific time, then be the good wife. If the baby’s need is more urgent and important, then good mother.
That is the ultimate question of motherhood! Finding balance between wife, mother and self is a challenge. One of the things I try to do is incorporate my children into my hobbies. That way some of “me” and some of “mom” time can be combined. Date nights, and time alone also work wonders!
I totally understand! I wrote a similar post about how to deal with all of these responsibilities!! I have 2 girls ages 5 and 2 and a boy due next month. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed. My husband and I do try and find balance by taking turns giving each other time away, an afternoon alone just running errands or an evening going to dinner with friends. And we also try and hire a babysitter once a month for our date night. Or on days where both girls are in school, we meet for lunch dates. It is hard to find that right balance and feel like you are “handling” it all.
Love the blog name by the way! I always have said that nap time is God’s way of giving mother’s their sanity back!!!!
I totally understand you as I am always feeling guilty and trying to balance my priorities. I try to give each person equal time. I also allow myself some ME time. It could be a walk, a nice tv show. I feel better and it helps me going on. Don’t forget yourself..
Finding balance is something I struggled with for years. For me, learning to say no was a real turning point. I was a yes woman for many years, trying to be everything to everyone. Learning to say no with no apologies, and placing the focus on my family helped me tremendously.
I’ve found that to be a good mom/wife/friend I have to stop striving to be a perfect mom/wife/friend. It’s so hard to balance but once I realized I didn’t have to be the best of the best I felt a lot better.
I think balance will occur once I stop thinking that i have to do it all and be perfect while doing it and quit comparing myself to others.
I’ve actually managed to find balance for the first time in a long time. I used to spend countless hours working online and never really left the house, aside from taking my son places. I never did anything just for me. I’ve changed that these last few months and it’s made a big difference in how I feel.
Its hard and no one is perfect, I have a hard time finding me time and then when I have me time I dont know what to do with it. I try to spend most of the day with my son and then the evenings with my husband. Find what works for you, and keep changing it up till you really do find what works.
I just take a long breath. Walking or running helps too