if I ran for President

Can you believe that it is nearly time for us to elect the next President of the United States?   I feel like it was only yesterday that I was recycling the wasteful campaign crap that was stuffed into our mailbox.

I’ve been thinking about running for President of the United States since the 2004 election.   I lived in Florida at the time,  you might remember a little talk about Chad messing things up in that state.   We’ve moved on to the great state of Taxachusetts.  The land where there is no Happy Hour, but there is mandated health insurance.  Wouldn’t the insurance cover any health damage caused by over indulging at your local watering hole?

Since these crazy laws passed, I figured I’d give it a whirl.  What’s a girl got to lose, right?

If I were running for President….

All new mothers would receive six-months of paid maternity leave.   All new fathers would receive three-months of paid paternity leave.  This law would include, of course, parents who are adopting.  Parents employed by the same company would be entitled to the full benefit as well.

All monies paid toward child-care would be tax-exempt.  Regardless of your income level or whether both parents worked outside the home.

Reese’s peanut butter cups would only come in one size – original.  Other sizes just screw with the peanut butter to chocolate ratio.

Every elementary school students would have access three hot, healthy meals every single day.   It is not the fault of the child that their parents cannot afford to feed them, or choose to spend what little money the family has on alcohol or drugs.
 

Between the Junior and Senior years of high school, each student would spend nine months volunteering with an organization that helps better the planet in some way.

Prior to turning age 25, everyone is required to work a minimum of three consecutive months in the service industry.   {Please remember to always tip your server!  Unless they’re a slouch, then ask the manager for someone else.}
 

Minivans would be outlawed, except for use as a Taxi.   Sorry Moms – but carpool duty does not qualify as a Taxi service.  Minivans are usually piloted by distracted, coffee-drinking, cell-phone chatting moms driving with their knees.

Blue-ink pens would be available ONLY for legal documents.  It would be considered illegal to write with blue ink for any other purpose.

While we’re on the topic of preferred ink….Teachers would be prohibited from using red ink when correcting student papers.  Red ink is bad for the psyche.  They’d have to use purple or green.

Stay-at-home parents would receive an annual salary of $75,000 from the Government, until their youngest child reached the age of 19  {or age 23 if that child is enrolled as a full-time student}.

Anyone found to have Halloween AND Christmas decorations on displayed on their home at the same time will face a $500 fine.  {First offenders would be the people who live a few streets away from me! }

Everyone would be able to afford an annual family vacation.   You create amazing memories going way together.
 

And every couple would have time for a romantic getaway, too!
 

Daylight Savings Time would be abolished. How annoying is it to reset all of those clocks?

College Football would have a playoff system in place.  Because that makes the most sense. (Hook ’em Horns!)

What do you think? Fairly decent platform? Would I get your vote?

{This post was inspired by another blogger who posted earlier this week. I foolishly thought I would remember which blogger it was. If you know who it was, please let me know so that I can give credit where credit is due.}