This week, the moms of The Mommy Mindset are talking discipline. Not the techniques we use, but how manage situations when our partner disagrees with our discipline style.
Emily: My husband and I disagree on occasion. He’s frequently doesn’t follow through with the punishment. For example, if The Boy is breaking a “rule”, The Texan says “Stop XYZ or you’ll go to your room for the rest of the day.” I know that isn’t going to happen, and so does The Boy. I try to be consistent – if I say he’s going to his room, then he goes. He’s two, so his punishment is two minutes in his room. When he turns three, it will be three minutes. I’m thankful that The Boy is well behaved and knows that his “job is to follow the rules” so we don’t have to punish him often. I hope this trend continues.
Sarah: My husband makes me be the bad guy. My daughter will ask him for snacks after I’ve told her no (even to the point of shutting the door so I couldn’t hear her ask him) and he’ll say go ask your mom. I wish he would just tell her no as well and explain if she’d eat her dinner, she wouldn’t be hungry!
Lena: I am not a pushover or anything, but my son thinks he ignore me. “I will call daddy” works and I hate that. I think my husband is way too harsh when it comes to disciplining. And his doesn’t spend enough time with them. So for the rest of time I am stuck with them just trying to get my point across. “Let’s get up and go in this direction, please. Hold your hands. Stop kicking your sister… I said, holding hands… this is a wrong directions… no running… I had enough if this – Ia m calling daddy right now!.. OK, here we go. Get in your car seats
Ghada: For the most part we do have the same parenting philosophies, but I sometimes feel like I am more often the bad guy. I think my husband can see that at times and will make sure to point out to my son when I am actually giving him a treat – like if I specially bought ice cream for dessert, something silly like that. If I feel like he really didn’t back me when I was disciplining, I will always talk to him about it later and make sure he understands. It’s never been an argument – at the end of the day, my husband knows he can be a softy.
How do you handle situations when parents cannot agree on how to discipline? Are you in a co-parenting situation and find that your child has different expectations when with the other parent? How did you get to a place where you are both comfortable with how you are disciplining your child?
Thanks so much for sharing what goes on in your home Sarah, East 9th Street, Lena of Way2Goodlife, and Ghada of Mama goes BAM.
My kids father and I are divorced, so we have decided to handle our own discipline at our respective houses, but always let each other know about anything major that happened so that we can reinforce issues if need be.
I think it is hard because as a mom I am here all the time and so I have to be consistent. I think it is a lot harder on DH because he feels guilty not being around enough. It is hard sometimes but you just have to keep communication open