“So what does that mean?” – him
“It means we’re breaking up. I’m moving to Florida.” – me
Following a brief pause, I blurted out:
“And No, We Can’t Be Friends”
And that, my friends, is the story of how I broke things off with my college boyfriend of a year or so.
To say that we didn’t remain friends is an understatement. From what mutual friends say, he was quite depressed after we’d broken up. ME? Nope, not a care in the world. I was a young and excited for the possibilities to be discovered in the sunshine state.
I don’t blame him for not wanting to be my friend. Reflecting on it now, I could have been more empathetic to his breaking heart. But empathy was something that I’d learn a few years later. I’m sure that I could have been more considerate of his feelings, and less bitchy. Far less bitchy. But, I was too excited for my new life.
I could not have cared less about his. {Or is it, I could have cared less?}
My girlfriend and I packed up our vehicles and our cats a few days after that and drove away. Leaving behind ex-boyfriends. Looking ahead to our futures.
It turns out that moving to Florida was a great decision on my part, several years after arriving The Texan and I had our first date. As I think back to my behavior in my early twenties, I’m glad it was a few years later that we met!
Do you maintain friendship with your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends?
This post was written as part of BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo February 2013 challenge. Today’s prompt was “Do you remain friends with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends after you break up?” Sign ups to participate in this month’s Blog Roll have closed. You can still check out the participating bloggers and the daily prompts. Daily writing prompts can often become a great source of inspiration and encourage you to write about things you haven’t previously explored.
You’re a cruel, heartless woman!
I know! I was pretty awful back then. Very self-focused. So glad that I’ve grown wiser – and much kinder!
I am friends with most of my ex’s. That’s not to say I didn’t break hearts and whatnot back in the day, but I guess as we grew older and with the help of social networks we get along now. There’s only one guy I’d be nervous or feel awkward around, but it’s because he was really mean to me and he still is the person I blame for the down spiral that was my adolescence.
Social networks have helped many people reconnect and connect. As for the guy that’s making you nervous – still – I wouldn’t bother with him any longer. You don’t need that in your life.
Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I’ve ended every relationship I ever had, minus the moving to FL bit. I think, in our younger years, we are just so self absorbed. We want to “make it” in life, and experience everything when we are young. I’ve changed a lot in my attitude towards others now that I’m settled.
I agree, and I think it is important to get out there and have those experiences. My attitude on life has changed quite a bit over the years. I wonder how I’ll be in another ten. Hmm…something to think about!
I kept up with one ex but as time went on and eventually I got a new cell number we lost touch. I actually think it’s better that way. It’s hard to stay friends after a break up.
It’s awkward, don’t you think? You have that weird history, you can’t go back to “just” being friends. Too much baggage!
no it is just kinda weird. Just move on!
I agree! You break up for a reason, I don’t understand the need/want to remain friends!
Ha! Love it! Sounds like a Beyonce song in the making. Do you know whatever happened to him? Poor guy. lool
If Beyonce writes a song using my story, she’ll need to pay up! 🙂 As for the guy – he’s gotten over me (I assume) and is now married with a daughter.
I swear I wanted to kick myself in the butt for something I said and did 10-15 years ago, but once again, our deeds define who we become, so I guess it is all a part of growing up
Yes, it is all part of growing up. Funny thing is, I wouldn’t want to go back and change those things (or take back the things that I said, either!).
I used to stay friends with exes in high school. I friended a couple when I first got on MySpace and Facebook but we aren’t friends anymore. Just 1 remains on my friends list.
For long term relationships, I’ve never remained friends. There are a few guys that I dated in high school that I am still friends, but for me high school relationships weren’t that serious!
I’ve remained friends with some of my exes. When I was younger, my thinking was that just because I didn’t have chemistry with someone, doesn’t mean they’re not worth still knowing and keeping in contact with. Then I got older, and discovered that some people are very good at hiding their manipulative and abusive tendencies from people they’re not dating. Obviously, I have not maintained friendships with THOSE guys. 😛
It’s always good to keep the toxic manipulators as far away as possible. Happy to hear that you’ve been able to do that!
Have a great day!
I have 3 of my ex-boyfriends on my Facebook friends list, but we rarely comment on each other’s posts, unless they are reminiscent of the time in our lives when we were each other’s best friends. I MARRIED my first ever boyfriend, so of course we parted ways on friendly terms. 🙂 (We were 14 when we dated the first time…puppy love for sure…then we re-met when I was 20.)
It always interests me when people remain friends with their exes. Good for you for staying in touch!
I think it’s good to keep them out of your life! You were a different person back then, and (I’m assuming here) you’re a much better person now. Sure you had to stomp on some hearts to get here, but it made you who you are!
No regrets 😉
My thinking is – they were toxic to me, why do I need them in my life?!
I am still friends with one or two of them. we only communicate on facebook, but it’s good to see that they are happy. My ex husband is a different story
From what I hear, ex-husbands usually are a different story!
I never stayed friends with old boyfriends. I just needed to move on, I guess. Now with Facebook, it’s crazy a couple are “friends” there. It’s funny that a couple are exactly where they thought they wanted to go, but I seriously never believed they would get there when we were together.
HAHAHA! I’ve thought that about a few old boyfriends, too.
I don’t think it is a great idea to remain friends with ex’s. Too often old feelings could re-emerge causing trouble in an existing relationship.
Agreed! And, too often one party in the relationship is simply jealous of the friendship with exes.
I was friends with most of my exes, but I don’t keep in touch with them anymore. While the splits were usually amicable, I really don’t have anything in common with them, so I don’t see the point in staying in touch.
I think that way, too. If we didn’t have enough in common to make a relationship work, why do I want to stay in touch after a breakup?
Have a great day!
I don’t have the time or the energy to spend on being friends with them. I would rather spend the time with my real friends. Once I am done, I am done. Why pick at it like a scab. 🙂
“Why pick at it like a scab” HAHAHA! That’s so true, Tammy. I hadn’t even looked at it that way!
breakups can always be hard. my ex and i are friends now after a few years though
In all honesty, I never dated anyone. I was too focused on other things to worry about dating, even though I had a few crushes. I didn’t even date my husband until after we were married. We were best friends since I was ten years old. So, I already knew everything about him. There wasn’t a reason to date. He felt the same way. We went from being best friends to him proposing, and then to getting married. We didn’t really change anything else in the dynamics until after we were married. Only then did we start to do things with just us and not with other friends. I think the only thing that changed before hand is that is started opening doors and other such gentlemanly actions.
But, would I have remained friends with an ex? I really don’t know. I suppose it would have depended on what the manner in the break up was. I generally try to keep in contact with everyone, so there would have been a high possibility.
Isn’t wonderful having a courteous man who opens doors for you! My husband does that, too. I love it – when I remember to slow down and let him open it.
It is nice! I sometimes don’t slow done enough for him to do so either. Comes from being a busy mom. If we don’t keep going, we never get done.