Friendship evolve, but you always feel that you’ll have that one life long friend. When that friendship ends, a lot of emotions come to the surface. I decided to write a letter to my former best friend as a way to help me get rid of the anger that I have toward her.
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Dear Former Best Friend,
I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. I hadn’t thought about you for a few months, but you’ve been on my mind. A lot. And I do not like it.
Recently I wrote about my best day ever and -no surprises here – it involved you. Knowing you so well, you’re likely thinking it was that sunny August day when you told me that you were pregnant with your first daughter – and that you wanted to name her after me. Well, you’re wrong. Though that was an amazing day, and I {seriously} felt like I had to go out and find the cure for the common cold. My best day ever was that last day we spoke.
Since writing that post, I’ve been reflecting on our relationship and I realize that you weren’t ever really my true friend. If you were, you would’ve called after you eliminated my position fired me and you would’ve sent me a Christmas card. You were simply manipulating me. Using me when you needed something. You were good at that. As we walk down memory lane, let’s think back to all the times I supported you – when you went to detox, to rehab for an eating disorder, when you decided to marry your husband, and to divorce your husband. Those are the biggies, I think.
When were you there for me? Hmm…when I moved 1400 miles away and didn’t know anyone? Nope. When I didn’t get the big promotion that I had worked so hard for? Nope. When I got married. Yes. Okay, I’ll give you that one. {You were a stand up Matron-of-Honor who flew 2400 miles to be in my wedding, leaving your seven-month old at home.} When I had my son? No, not so much.
I figured out that our friendship really ended on the day I told you that I was pregnant. At that point, your marriage had already fallen apart – and I was about to live the dream life that you always wanted. And you resented me for that. That is fine. I understand. But, if you were really my friend, you would’ve been able to tell me that. I wish that I had figured it out sooner. It would’ve spared us both from twenty-two months of pain and discomfort.
Best,
Your Former Best Friend
P.S. I hope that you are happy with your “intentionally single” status. It always annoyed me that after your divorce you called yourself a “single mom” when really you are a “divorced mom” or, even better, an “intentionally single mom.”
man this is a tough one. i have been in a similar situation and it sucks. glad you are able o move on.
It was an experience that I wouldn’t want to wish on anyone. The two of us were so close, at least that is what I thought. But, the more my life was chugging a long to a great place – and the more hers was taking a bit of a detour – the worse our relationship became. I really think the “deal breaker” for her was when I told her that I didn’t think it was appropriate for her “boyfriend” to sleep over when her two young daughters were in the home. She saw nothing wrong with her behavior, but I didn’t agree with it.
Sort of crazy that after so many years of friendship, I never picked up on our values being so far apart. I do hope that she’s happy and living a wonderful life.