I was 28 when one of my closest friends was widowed. She had celebrated her thirtieth birthday just a few weeks before.
She was too young to be a widow.
She had two small boys. They were seven and five at the time.
My memory of the telephone call from her is as clear as if this happened yesterday. It was a cool February morning and the sun was shining brightly. Even for Florida, I remember thinking it was a very bright day. She uttered the words “They found him dead last night. I am too young to be a widow.”
I could have thrown up. Sadly, I knew the day would come. He was diabetic and overweight. And, showed no concern for his health. Everyone knew that this day was coming. But no one believed that it would come so soon. He was 33 years old.
There were no support groups for young widows in our area. But where would one expect to find a young widows group? Her group of friends could offer nothing but company. None of us knew what it was like to lose a spouse. Heck, many of us didn’t even know what it was like to be married.
She, and her boys, have gone on to find happiness. It’s taken them a long time. They struggled for a long time with their grief. She grieved not only for the loss of her husband but for the boys no longer having a father. She has a new partner now, and the boys are growing into fine young men.
A year ago, another friend of mine was widowed. She, too, was far too young to be a widow. She was left to raise three boys on her own. She’s still grieving and coping. Her wounds are raw, but she is getting through each day.
There are days when I think about both of these girlfriends and find myself wondering how I would cope if I were in their situation.
Do you know any young widows {or widowers}? Where did they find support?
Disclosure: This post was inspired by Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman.
After being kicked out of her widow support group for being too young, Becky creates her own support group with an unusual twist. Join From Left to Write on February 14 as we discuss Saturday Night Widows. As a member, I received a complimentary copy of the book for review purposes.
I, too, was a young widow at 32. I, too, was left to raise a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old. The first time I heard the word ‘widow,’ I wanted to throw up. I got so angry with that word. I was simply too young.
Oh my! I am so sorry. How did you manage? I hope that you found the emotional support that you needed. I can only imagine how scary that must have been for you.
You do what you have to do. You get up every morning, take care of your kids and you go on. I was fortunate enough to remarry a couple of years later and my kids were raised by a fantastic father! It’s been 24 years now and it still hits me occasionally. But life has been good to me. If you click my name, you’ll be able to read my account of what happened to my husband.
Thanks for your kind thoughts.
Oh goodness, Emily – I can’t IMAGINE being a widow so young. I’m sure you were a great friend to her and I’m glad that she and her boys are doing well. Life can be so hard sometimes, but we need to be truly thankful for what and who we have in our life!
It was such a tough, tough time – for all of us. We were all so young. Nothing shocks you into reality like the death of someone so young.
How difficult to handle! There never seems to be the right words to say to someone in those situations. All you can do is be there for them.
It was such a difficult time, and awkward as we were all so young that we couldn’t seem to find the right words.
Wow I feel for your friend Becky and can’t imagine being kicked out because she was to young. My sons teacher is a young widow but I am unsure if she sought help any place. Cancer has made a lot of young widows.
That is so sad about your friend. I could not even imagine the heartbreak. 🙁
I can’t believe that next year will mark 10 years. She’s been so strong, it’s been amazing to watch.
I have a friend who lost her fiancee at 25 and it was so heart-wrenching. I told her once I had no idea what to do or say, but that I would be there no matter what, even if we just sat and didn’t talk. She said much later that this was the most helpful thing anyone ever said to her.
I don’t know how your friend (or mine) found the strength to go on. I can’t even imagine. It’s great to hear that no saying anything was helpful to your friend.
I am a widow at age 30, and raising 4 boys and 1 girl alone. I’ve learned how to get through the bad days and not let grief get the best of me. They say what doesn’t kill you makes your stronger and that is so true. I love everyday and cherish the precious moments I have with my children. We dream about our past memories with their father, and cry hard because he is not here. I remind myself to trust in God, that He has a reason for everything….
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for your loss.